A Chronically Ill Public Figure
Via my Instagram…
🎶 If I'm still waking up, at least I can dream... 🎶 Working on a live/acoustic arrangement for "V". It hits a lot differently this way, I kinda love it.
I haven't posted in a while because I haven't been feeling great. Mostly, I've been sleeping a lot!
If you know me personally- or have ever tried to make plans with me- you know that I'm usually not feeling well. Some of my friends like to joke about how I'm always sick or in bed- one friend said that my "brand" is "Sleep, bed, and Binx." And he's not wrong but man it sucks to be seen that way. And it hurts. It's salt in a wound I've desperately been trying to close. Because I would do anything (and kind of have done almost everything) to not constantly feel like I'm trudging through quicksand. It's the antithesis of who I feel I truly am, and who I want to be. I like to live loudly and be active and get things done and achieve, achieve, achieve...but I haven't been able to do that since I first got sick in 2014.
Now, 5 years later, I feel like I've physically aged 15 years, and professionally progressed maybe 2 years??? I hope one day I can stop fighting with my body. That I'll be able to go on tour and make my artistic visions come to life. That I can keep making music and keep connecting with people. That I'll stop being ashamed of my health and the things I can and can't accomplish.
When I was talking to my friend Pepper ( @pepper_said ) recently, she said "you're not really living, you're kind of just surviving." And damn she was spot on. I really, really hope I can start living again someday soon...and if I'm still waking up, and least I can dream. ✨